8 posts tagged “television”

Over the weekend, I got the maggot in my head to organize.  To be honest, it likely started two years ago, but now I have the time to execute my plan.  I'm kind of terrible at organizing anything in my private life, you see.  I'm a meandering organizer/cleaner.  I'm very ADD and slow at that.  This is why right now I have -- let me count -- six piles of books around my room, three piles of clothes, and two boxes full of old bills/documents.  This is not counting the next room over, which I was cleaning out in order to switch my closets.  I found two pairs of gloves, one pair of slippers and three Pampered Chef items I purchased over three years ago.

Clearly, I am The Pack Rat.  I'm not piling newspapers in stacks that reach the ceiling, but I did keep a popsicle stick that had a corny joke on it.  I gather it was a rocket pop, which meant that I was on The Mall downtown, and it was nestled in a bag from a free Pantene sample I got in college that was filled with pennies.  At this rate, I'll be done by spring.

All that organization has just frustrated me.  And you know the worst part?  I lost my remote control for four days because of the mess the organizing has caused.  When I told one of my friends this, there was a fantastic long silence.  She asked me if she had to come up and rescue me from being one of those women that live with 40 cats and has to be dug out of her apartment barricaded with trash and boxes of paper.  You know, like on Oprah specials.

This concerned me mildly.  I assured her that I could see a 20 square foot clear space right in front of me, but this did not assuage her.  Instead, more reproof.  But it wasn't necessary.  I knew how painful the loss of my remote was.  I'm a bona fide television addict.  I am not discriminating in my tastes.  I love my television almost as much as my books.

This meant no TAR.  No Chuck.  No catching up on Gossip Girl.  No Samantha Who?  No falling asleep to my 1930s music channel.  Do you even understand how wrong it was to not watch someone get Philiminated on Sunday?  I had to resist the temptation of finding out on TWOP, which also meant no snarky reading for two days.  The horror.

I had been filling my time with more cleaning, more books (finished three more -- none of them Kitchen), and even a Korean drama (which I finished.)  But then I had dinner tonight, and it was the last straw.  I could see my TiVo recording something.  I knew it was something good.  I just couldn't prove it.  So I did what I had to do.  I tore apart my room, and found it only after I dove into my closet.  Apparently I thought it was appropriate to keep it in a wicker  basket. 

I am saddened that I can't survive a week without television (hell, I got addicted to a soap in Spain), but I am happy because one of the obnoxious teams is now gone.  But again, I had to suffer yet another team on TAR waving around 'karma' like they know what it means.  Does anyone else think 'karma' is just as misused as 'jaded'?  People have a vague idea of what it means, but manage to botch the use almost every time. 

It's moments like these that make me want to buy a 'Bad Grammar Makes Me [Sic]' shirt.  However, I know the second I wear it, I'm going to make some egregious error, and someone from the Grammar Police is going to thwap me upside the head.

Non sequiturs.

I.

I'm going to declare today a success.  Some of you may have noticed my general saltiness.  Wish Bear listened to the craptastic attitude firsthand, but chica was effing off the sane hook with her own crazy mood...no one need that much caffeine in their life.  Nonetheless.  My semester was over as of three hours ago.  There were hugs.  There was joy.  I turned in my field research, and really didn't care about it after nine o'clock last night. 

We turned in our environmental analysis, which we trimmed down to a cool 80 pages.  I have to say, I think ours looked damn nice with its binding.  It stacked up especially nice against the paper in the manila envelope and the one in the plastic binder.  You know what?  Screw not judging a book by its cover.  We took the damn time to bind ours at Kinko's.  We win.  Our prof can bite me if he thinks he's giving me less than a B+/A-.  I'm expecting an A after the bullshit we all dealt with.  Especially in light of the fact that two, count 'em, two of the groups in the other class couldn't be bothered to finish their papers because there was some group member or other that dropped the fucking ball.  Ew.  How The Apprentice do I sound?  Meanwhile, these groups are apparently trying to weasel out of getting punished for the failure of one member.  I say MBAs are mostly asshats, and in what world do they think a prof in this department would cut them slack?  Failure is not an option, and buck passing?  So unattractive. (I say this from the comfort of my position in a functional group, and on the happy side of a well finished semester.)

Did I mention I stress-shopped in the past 24 hours?  I was feeling 'meh' last night, so I went onto a website and bought a pair of trousers and a navy bathing suit.  Then this morning I woke up at 6 thinking I had to pay off my bills, so I rushed to the BR website, paid way in time, and ended up buying a cashmere shell on sale.  And a skirt.  V. uncharacteristic.  Not a skirt girl.  I'm going to regret this on the flip side and end up keeping it anyway out of laziness.

Did I mention that I went to my last class tipsy?  Happy Hour is Happy Hour is Happy Hour.  One drink, I tell you, is all it takes.

Four weeks to breathe before it all starts again.  Son of a bitch.

II.

Reality TV.  Caught up last night and today.

TAR.  I knew it.  Effing Models!  I know they're kind of the least of all evils, but this is why I needed my Cho brothers to stay in so I root for them...in spite of their somewhat offputting self-importance.  Integrity.  Pffttttt.

ANTM.  Suck it Melrose!  Could she have possibly sounded less gracious about losing?  No one needs to fudge the editing to make her look like a mean and stupid bitch.  Misunderstood.  Puh-lease.  Yeah, Caridee is a crazy bad walker and actress, but she ain't unhinged and all kinds of wrong.  *shudder*

Top Chef.  Fuckin' aye!  Fuckin' aye.

Justice.  Jack Bristow, why couldn't you see that Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman was all kinds of drug lordy and not worthy of your awesomeness?  (Even though you've been tarnished by association with Jack McPhee.)

III.

Ganked from lemon. 

Checked my aura.  Orange?  Interesting, since I'm kind of in love with orange right now and wore it today, but I'm iffy on the meaning.

Orange

Do you ever wonder about what you're going to look like when you get older?  It's one of those idle things that creeps into my mind, especially when I'm being attacked in a department store, or when I'm getting a particularly detailed lecture on the virtues of SPF from my mother or a co-worker who is incredibly too fabulous for words.  I'm thinking about it right now as I flip through my friend's photo album.  I'm thinking uncharitable thoughts, and I ought not do so.  But I am.  Damn me.

It's a valid concern.  I've talked about the subcutaneous fat that will save me before, but then I wonder if I will look haggish and if I really care.  Because really, in the overall scheme of things, won't that help me when I'm sitting on my porch throwing tomatoes at the hooligans that are loitering on the sidewalk in front of my house?  And I'm totally serious about that entire last sentence.  They have another thing coming if they think they're going to be torturing me.  I torture first, thank you.  It's my back up plan after I can no longer travel and generally galavant about the globe.  There will be no gently going into the night or happy retirement in Boca.  Fuck that. 

I am waiting to be that crotchety bitch on the corner sitting in her rocking chair just staring at people as they walk by.  So maybe looking grizzly won't be so horrible.

Meanwhile, off topic...and really, when am I on topic?...I've been catching up on tv again:

VM: Oh Logan.  Oh oh oh Logan.  Oh Veronica.  Oh, my heart.

OTH: Why do I continue to watch you?  You make less sense than Dawson's Creek ever did and Chad Michael Murray, you are especially skeevy now.  My television watching habits really need to mature, but you're my not so secret vice.  It's you or the OC, and I can't bring myself to have my heart stomped on by Sandy and Kirsten again.  No no no.

Top Model: Those bitches need medicating.

Survivor: Well played, underdogs.  I love my little tribe that could.  Say what you will about reality television and the clusterfuck that is that show, but damn if this season didn't have the best people ever.  And the worst.  Great balance.

Top Chef: I hate you Betty.  With a passion.  Like Marcel's passion for Dep, foams and most likely, airs.

Scrubs: You're back!  You're back!  I missed you.  I hug you big.

GA: Oh Burke.  Oh Cristina.  Oh oh oh oh.  Oh, my heart.

Watching Christopher Gorham on Ugly Betty made me all kinds of giddy.  He is the most adorable geek ever.  Losing out to vile Wather aside, I heart Henry from accounting.  Just because Betty shows every indication of losing her freaking mind...He still cheated!  He cheated with the skank!  He's tainted now!...Does not mean that Henry doesn't rock.

Point is, I think I love this new show, and wish I saw Yo soy Betty, la Fea when it was on television.  Damn me for not speaking Spanish!  Also, I miss Popular.  Now that was one damn awesome clusterfuckity satire pop culture mess.  Especially since they quickly gave up on reality and went straight to surreal.  Was I the only person who loved that show?

I'm trying to catch up on my TiVo while I read for class.  You know, because I'm a multitasking goddess.  And I keep on seeing ads for the The Breakup DVD.  TiVo is supposed to save me from this swill.  However, when my episode starts with it, I can't scream fast enough: it dies in my throat.  I can't scramble for the remote.  It's in my hand, I'm just frozen.  You may think I'm reacting poorly, but this movie was crap.  Like, really.  I felt cheated for having been in the theater.

I tried to give it the benefit of the doubt.  I don't read Rotten Tomato reviews.  I'm a fan of craptastic movies, so this precludes me from having any perspective.  Hello, I enjoyed Bring it On 3.  Holy God.  It was brilliant.  Not the point.  The point is, The Breakup is a deceptive trick ho that wangled my hard earned...nine dollars?...and gave me nothing in return other than bleeding eyes and ears.

Why would they tell me it's a comedy when it's not?  All the comedic moments in the entire movie are in the 30 second ad.  Fuck me.  I expected more than that.  I know that Jennifer Aniston should have been a red herring, but....Vince muthafucking Vaughn!

*spotlight on me as I speak to Vince Vaughn*

Vince.  Vince Vaughn.  I adore you.  You, I will follow through most any movie.  Yes, I found you late in my life, but that doesn't mean that my love for you is any less.  I spotted you in Zoolander --- that wig didn't do anything for you, but I won't hold it against you.  I chortled with glee as you smoked your way through the rings in Old School, wished you a good kill in Mr and Mrs Smith, cheered for Wes Mantooth in Anchorman.  I can't say I loved you quite as much in Dodgeball, but that's because Ben Stiller was trying to ruin it for me. (My love for him is meh at best, in spite of Zoolander.)

So why you gonna test my love with The Breakup?  That shit was intolerable at best.  Rancid at worst.  Insulting in general.  You must have smoked some bad crack to agree to that clusterfuck.  And the Vaughnistan?  I was rooting for you.  Until I realized it was born from this fiasco.  I'm trying to be strong, but when I keep on being reminded that you made this movie, I'm tempted to give up on you.  I've tried to block it out, really I have.  So make it stop!  A girl can only take so much!

/rant

I'm going to go refill my Vicks Vaporizer, light some candles, and try to meditate this one out.  TV will not fix this one.  Even though:

- Yay!  Flying Spaghetti Monster mentioned by Dawkins on Colbert!

- Yay!  Top Chef is back!  I love it when food professionals fight.

- Meh.  AJ was kicked off of ANTM.  She was amusing, so bad, but her picture and her 'tude did suck on this one, so that's fine.

-  Hmm.  That season finale of Venture Bros. is staring me in the face, and I can't bring myself to watch it.  Doing so would consign me indefinitely to reruns.  Oh, woe!

What are your weekend plans?

We'll not discuss yesterday.  It was a wash of rain, baths and comfort.  And I fought with some blue crabs, but that is neither here nor there.

Today?

Sit in bed for twenty more minutes. Then mourn the loss of heat once I step onto the hardwood, run for the bathroom, get washed, dressed, and out of the house in ten minutes.

Go to the coffeeshop, read ahead of time, await study group, hope I don't fall asleep or spend the entire time IMing another group member like last time.  So unproductive.

Consider asking the group to dim sum, or solo run to the Vietnamese bakery for a bagload of cravings I've had all week.

Maybe run over to Bath & Body Works, or shop online.  They're having a sale, and all CO Bigelow products look like they're half off.  I need me some products.

Write a brief on market entry strategy.  Or a journal to be due in two weeks.

Look for a dress.  Still haven't bought one for the wedding.  Have not decided bronze one I was originally contemplating is the one.

Watch the beginning of TAR, and make sure the damn DVR isn't going to lowball me again and run into Cold Case.

Watch last season's finale of Lost and maybe the premiere.  Have promised to watch this week's new episode with the boys, so it seems probable that I should catch up or risk being mad.

What gameshow or reality show would you kick butt on?

Must I pick one?  I don't think I should be limited to one.  I'm such a junkie.  I'll just pick a few...

1) The Mole.  Was I the only person who watched this?  I loved loved loved Anderson Cooper as the host.  I can't deal with watching Anderson Cooper 360, but dude, Gloria Vanderbilt done good.  But he's not why.  I think I'd rock this because I'm actually pretty good as sussing out a person's vibe and I enjoy the fine art of mind games.  Who doesn't?  If nothing else, I'd rock it because I'd make everyone think I was the mole -- who suspects the round-faced Asian girl with a valley girl accent?  And I'd rock the various countries we'd hit.

2) Supermarket Sweep.  I know where the caviar is!  I know where the "premium" alcohol is!  I'd go for the meat, the pills, the specialty items.  And I unscramble like nobody's business.  I run the aisles like a master.  Shopper scatter in my wake.

3) The Amazing Race.  Okay, maybe I wouldn't totally kick butt, but I know I'd make it into the final four or five groups.  If nothing else, I'd kick butt at the color commentary.  These people assign weak nicknames for the other teams, and they're usually snippy in a way that makes them look stupid.  I wonder if you could phone a friend during these journeys to help a sister out.  I mean, feasibly, with the money, you can buy a phone card and call someone up if you don't have internet access...just make someone promise to be at your beck and call, lest you get back and smack em.  I would also never choose to make a birdcage, goldleaf a Buddha, or synchronize dance.  Fools, they.  Timesuckers.

4) Classic Concentration.  I ruled at Memory as a kid, and I know how to solve puzzles.  And my ardent love for Alex Trebek wouldn't have distracted me in the least bit...

Lord I love game shows of old.  These new ones hurt my brain.  Hurt so much I turned to reality television.  And now, my frontal lobe has definitely turned to mush.

I am a slave to my television.  This is nothing out of the ordinary, since I'm often in my bed at two in the morning falling asleep to The Colbert Report, because I need the dulcet tones of satire lulling me to sleep.  However, the past season of television has been nothing to inspire my allegiance.  Nothing to make me curse my terrible commute home after school, because I have a three-way conflict on my TiVo.  This is not the case this year.

I actually had to clear some space on my TiVo in order to make room for the hot mess of this past week.  I pretty much taped everything out of blind faith.  I'm being kind, giving them all a chance.  But unlike my hated relationship with Bones, I will not be so kind on mediocrity this time around.  And I'll tell you what: it was an initially excellent idea.  Reward for reading interminable chapters of marketing and strategy.  However, I hadn't anticipated the hours of television outnumbering the chapters of reading.  Guuuhhhhh.

But here's my take on some of the new series I watched this week and last:

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.  People said it didn't live up to hype, but I like it.  It's effing Aaron Sorkin.  It's Matthew Perry in all his cuddly loveliness and Bradley Whitford!  Okay, so I hate Amanda Peete, and am still puzzled by Sarah Paulson's lisp -- have been puzzled since the days of Jack & Jill.  Which reminds me, who did you have to know to get on this show?  I feel like people might have had to be separated by a certain number of degrees (either to each other or the network) to be allowed a crack.  Anyhow.  Liked it.  Especially Judd Hirsh's speech in the beginning.  Hence, the post's title.

Boston Legal.  Okay, not new, but still.  Reasons to love the show?  Michael J. Fox trying to buy a lung.  Denny Crane having a life-sized doll called Shirley Schmidt-Ho.  Holy sweet mother.  This is why I come back to you.  Plus, men smoking cigars and drinking whisky.  It's like Sunday mornings on the course, but without all that messy golf.

Smith.  Ooooh.  Ray Liotta.  Virginia Madsen.  Stylish ass deviants.  I can get behind this.  Right now, I'm thinking more style than substance, but there is something to be said for shiny objects.

Justice.  I watched this because the Jacks were on it.  Jack from Alias, Jack from Dawson's Creek (both shows I watched until the bloody end, even though I should have given up Season 4).  I think this is a keeper.  Mostly because Victor Garber is so hateful.  I like him ruthless.

Kidnapped.  I thought I'd have a problem with Jesus/Elton (Jeremy Sisto) thugging about rescuing some kid, so I initially rejected the idea of this.  However, I've come to realize, that if Jesus had gone about exacting justice his way (like slugging people at random), then things might have been much more interesting.  I'm still iffy, but at least it's better than Vanished (which I also watched, but gave up on immediately, so I'm not going back.)

Six Degrees.  Ehhh.  This is why Lost is going to suffer this season?  I found it vaguely Felicity...all VO, complicated people wandering in big city, intertwined lives, dark-haired ingenue.  I"m mainly focusing on Campbell Scott here, and letting the rest of them fight it out.

The Office.  Of course, not new.  But c'mon!  Awesome premiere.  So uncomfortable with the kiss.  Although, less uncomfortable than Oscar, I'm sure.  I felt so sexually assaulted for him.  But, there was Ed Helms.  There was a stapler in Jell-O.  There was a real life gaydar, Pam and Jim wistful longing, and all the goodness in the world.

Shark.  Touted as House, but in the courtroom.  Hmm.  I don't know.  He's not the same quality of bitter.  He's not drugged-out or spiteful.  He's just a sonuvabitch.  Which I appreciate, don't get me wrong, but...hmm.  He does have more lackeys.  Do I have room in my life for three courtroom dramas?

So yeah.  And some of my favorites haven't even started yet.  Plus my unfortunate love of reality television?  I'm wrecked.  I must watch in FF if I'm to have any hope.